I am Monica. I am in my mid 40’s. I have been living a very long horrific nightmare for many many years. I am here to tell my story so that I may just help one woman that’s going through the same things. I was alone in this nightmare I called my life. My abuser kept me very isolated. He also kept us on the move so that he could lie and steal and not get caught. We traveled the us first when I was driving tractor trailer. That is where we met back in 2014. I went to Cr England in Utah. I already had my cdl b because I was driving school bus in New Hampshire. So I decided to go to school to drive truck over the road.
I was newly single due to messy divorce. This was my second husband , this is where my first experience with abuse started. We was married 10 years with two girls. I had John from my first marriage. He was in the army and acted like a drill sergeant. After a couple years we divorced.
Then I met the second. He was so nice at the beginning. Nice to me and my son. Everything was going good a few years in it started. We would argue pretty normal. A few times it got physical, nothing too major. With this guy it wasn’t so much as the physical abuse as it was the sexual abuse I had to endure. That also started slow. He comes to me and asks how I felt about swinging. If you don’t know what that is it is swapping partners. I was not comfortable with it but when I didn’t that is the times it would get physical. I won’t go into detail here but it was like an episode of criminal minds . This went on and on. I wanted to leave but I had the kids. We ended up losing the trailer we lived in. Moved in with the in laws. Then I would get yelled at daily by his mother. It was a couple of months then one day my husband freaked out lost his mind and drank a bottle of whiskey and took his meds for anxiety. That day he beat me and strangled me till passed out. He fractured ribs ,nose cheek. I couldn’t talk out loud for weeks. I still to this day have issues swallowing pills and food. He also beat me in the head and ears so now I have hearing loss and other cognitive issues. He went to jail for a year.
This is I decided to go driving truck. All the way from New Hampshire to Utah. It was an experience I must say. I spent couple months there. Then you go with a trainer. That was fun. I met my ex abuser not to long after I got to school. He told me how he was a trainer so of course me being a student was interested in Learning as much as I could. He was charming and seemed to know a lot of driving truck. Now looking back I was being naive. But hindsight is a cruel thing sometimes. But that’s where the manipulation started. He was nice and affectionate. I told him of of how I was abused and just like they all say I will never do that. I remember now that I would listen to him say that and think of course you are going to say that. If you are an abuser they would never come out and say yeah I abuse woman. I am going to beat you and hit ,scream,yell, cut you. I mean if they say that they would be single. So the narcissistic abusive pathological lyin men well or woman don’t share that with us in the beginning. They lie , charm and put up a big front so you fall for them. Then before you know it you are in too deep. You have been isolated for so long , the repeated head trauma from the beatings. All this makes it hard to leave. I have suffered multiple head trauma with this man. That is where he would hit me slap me. Best my head into walls , mirrors,floors. He would whip me with belts and cords. Hit me with fry pans. If I would scream he would hold me down with hands over my mouth so I couldn’t breathe. He would squeeze my throat till I blacked out. I have left him a few times over the years and he would find me. After years of driving truck my health issues made me stop. Then on we have been pretty much homeless. Like I said he kept us moving. He kept me very isolated. I couldn’t talk to anyone or I would pay for it. I am proud to say the last time he beat me was last week. It will be the last time. He is in Florida now and me in New England.
I will add more about myself and my journey to be a single self sufficient woman. I know from experience that there needs to be more done to help domestic violence survivors. There is not enough resources for the woman that are struggling to get away. Woman that may have never been on there on. Families need more resources for housing help. Woman like me that have been physically abused and are left with disabilities need resources.
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